2 years ago, I suffered a stroke. I am still suffering from mental and physical disabilities, and I am alone. This isn’t supposed to be a death sentence, but it feels like it. I have received physical, occupational and speech therapy. I’ll be honest, if it weren’t for my speech therapist Jessica, I’d have given up. She explained my stroke to me. Of course, the ER doctor explained it, but I forgot and didn’t actually comprehend the depth and breadth of the impact.
I just had a stroke after all. I had to relearn so much, even basic stuff like washing my hair, saying a sentence with words that weren’t monosyllabic, thinking of words and simply how to say them, how to walk, how to grasp, how to function with more than one person around me, how to use a debit card, even dealing with cash and coin. Still dealing with some of this, but now I have complete medical help. I didn’t for a year and 9 months. I lived in a neighbouring County and their medical care is highly questionable and woefully mismanaged. I’ve had to fight, scrape and battle to survive. Good thing I’m a fighter, but I’m so tired and the road is endless. I still have a long way to go. I was an Assistant Controller. Now I’m hoping to be hired at a Craft Store for part-time hours. I can’t do full-time hours. I’ll collapse, if I’m lucky. I could be so confused I wouldn’t make it half a mile before admitting I don’t know where I am. Garmin and Google Maps is the only way I can get from point A to point B – almost every time.
The opposite of how I used to be. It’s scary. I feel like I have Alzheimer’s some days. They tested me. I don’t. That was so humiliating. I had the stroke when I was 51. I am now 53. I know too much about Alzheimer’s. Mom died from Alzheimer’s Dementia. I was a multitasking phenomenon, quick, correct and thorough. I can’t multitask to save me life now. Concentrating on one thing at a time is exhausting. I’ve exhausted my pension, my 401k, my meager inheritance from my Mom’s death (1 1/2 years prior to my stroke), and there is nothing else. I now get General Assistance that I have to pay back. I also get food stamps, though I have so sense of hunger or thirst since the stroke. I have diabetes and I don’t want to slip into a diabetic coma, though it has its appeal too often. I am trying to survive, but you need money and I have none. My life is in storage, enough to create a small home with memories, history, furniture and meager comfort. And I will.soon loose that because that is real estate owned by others at a premium and they don’t care when you can’t pay on time.
I have car insurance (my Dad’s 1998 Oldsmobile Cutlass) and a cell phone because you need a phone to make doctor’s appointments and just keeping contact with those people who are concerned about you living. That General Assistance goes to those expenses of living. There isn’t much left after that. A gallon or two of gas to get to those Doctor’s appointments. Some shampoo or a bar of soap. Toilet paper. Some of the necessities to live in society without any strange looks. I get enough anyway.
I don’t drive fast and loose. I have to take my time and insure I’m being safe while not putting others in jeopardy. I’m trying, but failing. Please help me get back to a quiet spot again. I can’t take the collection calls, threats of cutting locks and auctioning off my property. I have never been in this place before. I never thought I would be. I am alone. No family. Divorced. Thank goodness I don’t have children (not by choice – it was the reason he became an Ex-husband). I was adopted by immigrants.
I received a rich culture, but family, not so much. Dad’s family were alienated from my life due to a Narcissistic Mother. Visit my blog onetinysoapbox.com for more background and to know me better. Though I have friends who emotionally support me, even one whose home I’m staying at, and a few who have provided financial support (Thank you!), I’ve asked too much from them.
I’d rather be in my own space. I’m trying to do that now that I am in another, more rational and properly managed, County. I am real, not someone making this up for sympathy. My life has been a cluster ****.
God help anyone who has suffered a similar fate. Please help me by giving to my campaign.
I didn’t have anyone to help me.
I had to do this for myself or die.
I don’t want to die.